![]() ![]() Under conditions of stress, when parents are largely mis-attuned or punitive, children cease identifying with themselves as the helpless child, identify with the powerful, punishing parent and take on those negative traits as their own. People excessively involved in fantasy bonds tend to be overly dependent on others, progressively maladaptive and fail to function successfully as adults. The extent to which people come to rely on fantasies of fusion while reliving the past is proportional to the degree of psychological pain they experienced in childhood. They project negative aspects of the attachment with their parents onto current situations often recreating their early trauma in the present day. Because of this propensity to cling to unreasonable dependency ties, people tend to remain fixated at a child’s level of functioning. Later, these same fantasy connections are transferred to new relationships, groups and causes. to reduce feelings of emotional hunger and frustration brought about by deprivation, rejection, separation and loss. Early in life, children form this illusion to compensate for personal trauma, i.e. The Fantasy Bond: The core defense is the fantasy bond, originally an imagined connection with one’s parents, that offers a modicum of safety and security. The defenses that ameliorate or quiet death anxiety act as a major interference to becoming an authentic adult.ĭefenses that reduce death anxiety but act as a barrier to personal growth and maturity. Once the child suppresses the fear of death, certain events in life arouse or intensify it, whereas other circumstances and defenses relieve it. They institute numerous defenses to surpress and deny the reality of death and form fantasies of fusion in an effort to insure that the unconscious pain and dread will not resurface. They handle this crisis by repressing the loneliness, hopelessness, rage and terror surrounding the evolving awareness of their finite existence. Sometime between the ages of 3 and 7, children first realize the fact that they will eventually die. Indeed, systematic research indicates that people respond to the fear of personal mortality at a subliminal level yet modify their lives accordingly, often without any awareness of their death anxiety. Generally speaking, most people retreat from being fully alive adults in order to avoid reawakening the unconscious, as well as conscious, feelings of terror surrounding death. The more we value life, the more we have to lose in death. Paradoxically, as men and women give special value to their lives, experience unusual successes, and find new and unique gratifications, they tend to suffer more death anxiety. As people sense time passing, are confronted with sickness, frustrations in life and reminders of death, they fear about their mortality. Death fears are triggered by both negative and positive events. This makes them more cognizant of the fact that their own unresolved dependency needs from childhood will remain unfulfilled.ĥ. In general, adults carry a heavier dependency load, as they are looked to for direction, support and actual parenting. ![]() Adults have more responsibilities for self and others. This is related to the primitive evolutionarily based threat of being separated or ostracized from the tribe, which is emotionally equivalent to being left to die.Ĥ. In addition, there is a fear of being different or standing out from the crowd. Knowing ourselves as independent, authentic adults makes us acutely aware of painful existential issues. These habit patterns become addictive and long lasting.ģ. Painful events in childhood often lead to suppression, dissociation and varying degrees of retreat into fantasy processes. Preference for fantasy as a defense mechanism over reality considerations. When we are anxious or frightened, we tend to reconnect to dependency bonds.Ģ. These types of separation experiences can arouse a sense of loss related and fear. This occurs as we mature, form a new and different identity, choose our own path in life and establish new relationships. Symbolic separation from parents and other individuals who have offered some sense of security. There are five major aspects to the fear of growing up:ġ. The principle barriers to living an adult existence are the fears associated with becoming adult. I discussed how, to varying degrees, individuals are restricted in their ability to function in an adult mode because of “unresolved childhood trauma and the defenses they form to relieve emotional pain and existential dread.” In this blog, I explore the psychodynamics underlying the tendency to hold onto a child’s perspective despite the emotional turmoil, maladaptation and unhappiness it creates. In a previous blog, “ Living Life as an Authentic Adult,” I briefly described the reasons why so many people operate as children emotionally and refuse to grow up. Defenses, Existential Issues, Featured Author: Dr. ![]()
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